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RETRO REVIEW HALLOWEEN EDITION: ROBOT MONSTER

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The Wizard of Oz is one of the best and all-time classic movies. It had great visuals, memorable characters, decent special effects for the time period and a timeless story that transcends time and will still be told generations from now. It also gave us, in a way, the first memorable twist ending that has been parodied and quoted. In some eyes, it’s one of the best films of all time.

Why mention Wizard of Oz? Well, I thought I would mention a good movie before I delve into the unpleasant and difficult movie to view without any kind of riffing of Robot Monster. This movie was a cheesy B-movie drive in film made in the fifties that tried making a monster sci-fi movie that talked about alien invasion and the possibility of human extinction. With so much going against this movie, is this film enjoyable at all? Well, that’s tough to tell. When MST3K uses the movie in their show, that usually says that your movie is so bad that you have to riff it just to get through it all. However, I viewed it without the riffing and just sat through the entire movie on one sitting. So, we’ll review this film and discuss the story, the characters and the special effects. Let’s sit back and make sure we are immunized as we review Robot Monster.

The main story of this movie is a little convoluted. We meet Johnny, an adventurous young boy, who is playing in the field acting like an alien or astronaut walking the planes of an unknown planet. He comes across some archaeologists and Johnny loves science. His mother comes by and collects him to continue their picnic. Johnny falls asleep and now our “wizard of oz” story begins. SPOILERS: The whole movie is basically a dream and it doesn’t even have to be. So, during this dream sequence, Johnny made the archaeologists part of his family with his oldest sister being married to the younger one and the older one being the father. They seem to be the last of the human species because alien invaders called Ro-Man have wiped everyone out. The last humans aren’t wiped out because the father developed a serum that makes them immune to the Ro-Man’s death beams. That’s basically the plot of the movie. It’s Ro-Man trying to find the last of the humans and the humans and the humans trying to either reason with the Ro-Man or trying to find a way to destroy him. It’s a simple story that really doesn’t have much going on. It’s like watching some people play chess and there hasn’t even been a check once throughout the match. It is a tough watch because the dialogue is silly and they throw in random scenes with a marriage scene, off-screen love making, and a lot of walking scenes through a quarry.

The characters are so stock and uninteresting that it was really hard to be invested in anything they say or do to move the story forward. The Ro-Man, has a bad ADR voice and looks ridiculous. I know this is a B-movie drive in film but, come on. You have a guy in a gorilla suit and a space helmet covering their face on their head and that’s your master alien race. What kind of lazy design were they thinking? I know some designs from the 50s were cheesy and silly but this one makes no sense and it’s just laughable the whole time. But, the rest of the characters are just boring and plain. Johnny is annoying and brings only brings horrible Opie level annoyances. The Father figure talks science babel that doesn’t really explain how he developed his serum and whatnot. The sister and her husband are the pretty people that have the chemistry and the naivety of youth and love, which ultimately gets them killed by the Ro-Man. The mother is background fodder and I forget she’s even there half the time. If the characters were maybe more interesting, the movie could maybe have some kind of charm and even maybe have some kind of cult reaction to it.

The special effects are minimum. They use a bubble machine when we are in the lair of the Ro-Man I guess showing science stuff. There’s a video mirror that is used for communication, which is probably something out of a Buck Rodgers comic. The rest of the effects involve alternating color changes when it comes with the death rays. For a movie that is supposed to have robots and monsters, its a very dialogue heavy movie with very little action.

Overall, this movie is tough to watch. You need people or some MST3K riffing in order to make this movie watchable. I had to pause a couple of times just because it was boring. I was hoping there might be some hidden gem or cult status to this. There was none. At the end of the movie, Johnny wakes up and is reunited with his family as the archaeologists make sure he goes home safely. I don’t understand why they needed to do a Wizard of Oz premise but it just doesn’t work. You could have just opened with the movie with just the Ro-Man having conquering the Earth and have some survivors trying to continue to live and maybe figure out how to escape the clutches of the Ro-Man. Either or, the movie lacks so much of everything needed to make the movie enjoyable and watchable. I would not recommend this movie to anyone unless you want to do a good riffing (if you do, be prepared to do it constantly).

 

This movie is available on Amazon Prime.

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‘Abigail’: Bite Me Harder Tiny Dancer

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A gang of misfit kidnappers find their tiny target far more bloodthirsty than they bargained for! 

So, unfortunately, the trailers gave it away and let’s be real that’s why most of us are here, the knowledge that the kidnap victim Abigail (Alisha Weir), codenamed by the would-be kidnappers appropriately as ‘tiny dancer’, is in fact, a vampire. Not a spoiler, point of fact, one of the film’s actual great selling points. And the reactions from the misfit club when faced with a real actual f*cking vampire, range hilariously from the blunt “no such thing as vampires” all the way to, “Are we talking True Blood or Twilight rules or what?” all while covered in buckets and buckets of blood. 

Anyway, the gang manages to subdue and abscond with the aforementioned Abigail, in a pre-prepared duffle bag, like you do, and converge to a new location, a house oddly similar to the one she was just taken from. Welcomed and given codenames by a man who introduces himself as Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito), our misfit club is told to simply hold down the fort in this strange old house with the girl chained up in a room and one person to attend her, for twenty-four hours, and they’ll all get paid. 

As inevitable as the tides, the dopey druggie Dean (Angus Cloud) is the first to die, and we’re going to give that death-style points for inspiring terror right off the bat. The very controlling Frank (Dan Stevens, holy crap yes that is the guy from FXs Legion) is also of course the most suspicious – of everyone around him, sure, but also he himself is totes sus. We don’t learn terribly much about the musclebound tank who gets dubbed Peter (Kevin Durand), he’s your pretty typical little-brains-heart-of-gold muscle-for-hire any proper gang needs, right down to the bottle problem. Sammy (Kathryn Newton), well, even for being a purported hacker-type, she has, like, reality issues. Rickles (William Catlett), he’s arguably the most dangerous among them, ex-military and yet somehow here and involved in kidnapping for a few mills. Joey (Melissa Barrera) is our Final Girl, and though she has the inevitable problems in her recent past, she seems more capable of doing the hard thing and still somehow empathizing at the end of the day. Must be her burning desire to get back with her son. 

The fit hits the shan pretty quickly, and Abigail morphs from tiny dancer to tiny monster, though honestly, the way Abigail spoke the entire time in the film, if the ‘nappers had been paying close enough attention, would have been a solid clue. The performance from Alisha Weir as Abigail is incredible, as she literally dances a fine line between comedy, tragedy, and outright monstrosity. With a face full of makeup and the force of a tiny tornado to back it up, Weir brings to mind the great performances of the vampires in 30 Days of Night who saw the practicality in the need to trap their food, but also, play with it a bit first before feasting! Anything else would give away the absolute fun time that is Abigail, so you should go see it, out in theaters now!

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Scrubs Reunion: The Band Gets Back Together

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Fans of the beloved medical comedy series Scrubs were recently treated to a thrilling surprise when John C. McGinley, who portrayed the iconic Dr. Perry Cox, dropped a photo on Twitter hinting at a potential reunion project. The image, showing McGinley alongside his former co-stars, sparked a wave of excitement and speculation among fans who have been longing for more adventures with the beloved Sacred Heart Hospital staff.

While details about the reunion project are still scarce, the mere possibility of seeing the gang back together again has sent waves of nostalgia through fans who fondly remember the show’s original run from 2001 to 2010. Scrubs was not just a sitcom; it was a heartfelt exploration of friendship, love, and the chaotic world of medicine, all wrapped up in a quirky and often hilarious package.

At the heart of the show was the bromance between JD (played by Zach Braff) and Turk (played by Donald Faison), whose antics and deep bond served as the emotional anchor for the series. Their dynamic, along with the sage wisdom (and relentless sarcasm) of Dr. Cox, provided viewers with memorable moments that have stood the test of time.

As we eagerly await more news about the Scrubs reunion project, one thing is for sure: it’s time to dust off those old DVDs, rewatch our favorite episodes, and get ready to welcome back our favorite gang of doctors, nurses, and janitors for what promises to be a memorable reunion.

But Scrubs was more than just its main characters. The supporting cast, including the eccentric Janitor (played by Neil Flynn), the neurotic Elliot (played by Sarah Chalke), and the wise-cracking nurse Carla (played by Judy Reyes), each brought their own unique flavor to the show, creating a rich tapestry of characters that fans grew to love.

While the photo shared by McGinley has fueled speculation about what the reunion project might entail, whether it’s a one-off special, a new season, or something else entirely, one thing is certain: fans are eagerly awaiting any opportunity to dive back into the world of Sacred Heart Hospital.

In an age where reboots and revivals are commonplace, Scrubs stands out as a series that has the potential to recapture the magic that made it a fan favorite in the first place. With its blend of humor, heart, and unforgettable characters, a reunion project has the opportunity to not only satisfy longtime fans but also introduce a new generation to the joys of life at Sacred Heart.

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‘The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes’: Rebellion with a cause

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The story of the rise of Coriolanus Snow, from teenage Capital City pawn to rising Dictator of the Hunger Games! 

Apparently no one out here in post-apocalyptic Panem has heard of irony and so they name their children things like Coriolanus (Tom Blyth), Tigress, and further off in Hunger Games lore, after swamp plants like Katniss. Corio’s father was a legendary general and that is pretty much the only reason young Snow and his meager family of grandmother called Grandma’am (Fionnula Flanagan) and sister Tigress (Hunter Schafer) are tolerated here in the Capital City at all. 

Most of the snotty youngsters at the academy won’t let Snow forget how far his family has fallen, but he’s generally not concerned with them. What is concerning is the strong disapproval of the drugged-up Dean Casca Highbottom (Peter Dinklage) and the creepy attention of Dr. Volumnia Gaul (Viola Davis) as she lurks in the classroom sniffing out talent. The Dean feels very strongly the annual Hunger Games should end, while Gaul is violently adamant that not only do the Games continue, but that they get as much more attention as possible. And young Snow is stuck in the middle, when the yearly prize money normally awarded to the academy student with the best grades gets switched out for, you guessed it, the student that can make this years’ Hunger Games as entertaining as possible. 

Whilst the students are protesting this sudden change, the annual Reaping is about to commence, and big shock and surprise, Corio’s candidate from District 12 Lucy Grey Baird (Rachel Zegler) is chosen as a Tribute. This is where the film begins to really take off on musical wings, for as it turns out, Lucy Grey can sing. Boy, can that gal sing! She can sing, she can play guitar, she can work a crowd, she can calm things down, she can fire ‘em up too! And Corio, being no dummy himself, instantly plots ways to use his Tributes amazing voice to draw attention to her, and admittedly his own, plight! 

Though far too many people sneer at the idea, Corio takes his position as Mentor to his Tribute seriously enough to sneak onto the tram taking the Tributes to their habitat, which turns out to be a completely appropriate moniker, as this year the Tributes are held before the Hunger Games in a large zoo habitat so the weatherman ‘Lucky’ Flickerman (Jason Schwartzman), host of this years games, can MC the hell out of everything up close and personal! 

What happens at this years Hunger Games and the subsequent consequences to both Corio and Lucy Grey is actually only half the story, and the movie. Coriolanus has always had to be opportunistic, but learning to be absolutely ruthless when necessary under the tutelage of Dr. Gaul, who basically thinks it’s always best to be merciless, is an eye-opening education indeed.  Even after they’ve both been consigned to military service and his friend Sejanus Plinth (Josh Andres Rivera) decides to finally rebel, Corio and Sejanus continue to deceive each other and themselves, to accomplish their separate goals. Not even the love Corio swears he feels for Lucy Grey can save him, or them, from the adamant absolute necessity of the Hunger Games continuing. And after all that’s happened, Coriolanus Snow has gotten a terrific education in the best way to be the absolutely ruthless next Hunger Games advocate, and oh yeah, President of Panem. 

The movie does itself no favors by trying to stuff not one but two major storylines and a bunch of side storylines sadly introduced and then ignored, into the film. It would have been entirely possible to turn Ballads of Songbirds and Snakes into two different movies, separated between feathers and scales if you like, and do justice to the major storylines in both. Blyth gives a fine  performance as a young Coriolanus Snow, but the fact that President Snow is played by Donald Sutherland in all three of the Hunger Games films means Blyth has incredibly large shoes to fill. Rachel Zegler as Lucy Grey is absolute fire, and yes the actress did sing the songs in the film herself, including the Hunger Games franchise epic song, ‘The Hanging Tree’. Every time Lucy Grey opens her mouth and sheer soul-searing music comes out, it provides a distinct counterpoint to the soul-crushing ambition of Coriolanus Snow and further demonstrates the District and Caste separation Hunger Games is known for. And if, by the end of the film, Coriolanus Snow has come to agree that the Hunger Games must continue but perhaps under his own auspices, he has no one but himself to blame when another younger but still rebellious female blows it all up in his face! 

Choose rebellion or conformity for yourself in The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

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