‘Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events Season 2: The Austere Academy Part 2: Takes one to know one, cake-sniffer!

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Most schools have some manner of physical education requirements, but making them 51% of the required passing grade is a bit much. Count Olaf, I mean, Coach Genghis, has a plan, because he always has a plan, and this time, running the Baudelaire orphans ragged is hardly a figure of speech.

‘Special Orphans Running Exercises’ or S.O.R.E. for short, because of course it is, involves the three Baudelaire kids out there on the field, night after night for weeks, running circles and laying down luminous paint. In a circle. Over and over and over again. It’s no wonder that their laughable schooling begins to suffer and the three kids owe Vice Principal Nero tons of candy for missing his mandatory violin recitals, they could use some helpful friends right about now!

The Quagmires are in a quagmire too (sorry), about how best to help their new friends the Baudelaires. After weeks on end of laps at night and idiotic I-can’t-actually-call-that-schooling during the day, the Baudelaires are clearly suffering. The Quagmires, being orphans too, got a broom closet for a place to stay while the Baudelaire kidlings got their shack, and they congregate together there to figure out how to thwart the evil Count Olaf and his dastardly gang of actors, once again!

Also, not that the Baudelaires would have any reason to know it, the epically handsome brother of Lemony Snicket, Jacques Snicket (Nathan Fillion), has come to rescue Larry Your-Waiter from his frozen prison in his very special yellow taxi cab!

Comprehensive testing is the bane of every schoolkids existence, and our favorite orphaned children are no exception. Perhaps, except for the fact that Klaus, Violet and Sunny are extraordinarily bright and clever, and with the help of some tied-up hair and a whole lot of flour, all five of our orphans have hatched a plan to be multiple places at once!

Y’know, hiding while trying desperately not to get caught by well, everyone really, lets one see all sorts of things one isn’t supposed to normally see. Like a real life cake-sniffer, all but imprinting her brain floss in the fairy sugar coating atop a cake in her trip-tropping glee! But also, after a broken string gives the game away, the Quagmires, who were hiding in Miss Caliban’s closed Library, have finally located that damnable missing book, and go flipping through for all sorts of useful information. If only they could share it with the Baudelaires before Count – I mean, Coach Genghis strikes again!

Comprehensive memorization of useless bits of data and trivia notwithstanding, even Klaus and Violet will have troubles beating a fully-grown person in a sudden arm-wrestling contest. The proof of a persons bad-guy-ness may be staring you right in the face, and if you don’t have the wit to comprehend it, at the very least you better be able to run!

As if the Baudelaires didn’t have enough of their own troubles, now they have to leave Prufrock Prep (oh, darn, do I have to?) to go chasing after the kidnapped Quagmires!

Return to Netflix to chase down all the orphans in ‘Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events’ Season Two’s next episode, ‘The Ersatz Elevator Part One’!

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