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‘Heathers’ (2018): I’ll woke you right over the head!

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Reviewed by Alicia Glass

It’s generally an accepted fact that high school, no matter what age you happen to hail from, is a kind of Hell. The disaffected movie from the 80’s, starring a young Winona Ryder and Christian Slater as a pair of high school kids who end up plotting to literally end the revolution of popular ‘Heathers’ girls at their school, is a black comedy usually found relatable to a lot of people. Take a selfie and dive into the revamped miniseries ‘Heathers’ from the Paramount Network!

So like any typical high school show, Westerburg High is ruled by the popular kids, in this case the three Heathers: Duke, the screamingly flamboyant male gay Heath-er; McNamara, the black self-proclaimed lesbian who has affairs with her teachers; and Chandler, the plus-size gangsta shark leader of the bunch. Veronica Sawyer, while not being named Heather, has been a friend of theirs for a long time, and dutifully follows the Heathers’ insistent instructions on how to remain rulers of the school. And then there’s JD, not part of any clique or club, and yet Veronica coins a morbid fascination for him.

The Heathers personify the absolute worst of today’s PC culture cliques one can think of, especially after Chandler’s miraculous death and resurrection and her determination to become the ‘face of suicide’. Really, girl? Heather Chandler (Melanie Field) stalks the school like Missy Elliot on bad rainbow acid, giving benevolent and saint-like touches with one hand and pointing the demanding accusatory do-it-NOW-or-I’ll GUT-you finger with the other. While it may be true Chandler’s home-life is far from exemplary and she is surrounded by enablers at school, her messianic complex has a tendency to get on my last nerve. And that is likely precisely the point.

Heather McNamara (Jasmine Mathews) is barely in the show, as she decides to be the ultimate trendy and be the first major girl to take her own life, at the end of the very first episode. The pretty little black self-proclaimed lesbian who happens to be having affairs with her considerably older, white male teachers is an interesting twist on a standard trope, but even that can’t infuse this Heather with a ton of personality. Heather Duke (Brendan Scannell) on the other hand, screams personality and demands to be seen and noticed with his utterly fabulous ways, darling, and yet his little drag-apalooza is often over-shadowed by the shallowness of his heart. Because your sexual orientation doesn’t matter when you’re truly an asshole, capable of anything and everything to get what you think you want. It doesn’t help that Heather Duke’s stepmother (Selma Blair) is the worst kind of trailer park noveau riche trash one can think of, too.

JD (James Scully) is of course the disaffected standoffish bastard like many of us, hating the rat race that is his high school experience, annoyed at his rich never-there father and his eternal parade of ever-younger girlfriends, the poor little rich rebel without a cause or a clue. The oppressed violence that seems to lurk in many teenagers these days is given license in JD, especially once he discovers Veronica not only shares his tastes, but can do him one better, too. It sure doesn’t help that JD’s missing mother, played in flashbacks by the redoubtable Shannon Doherty, encourages him to live freely in his dark impulses, like she did.

Annnnd, then there’s Veronica (Grace Victoria Cox) herself. She keeps the same strange affectations the original Veronica did – the monocle for writing in her ever-present diary, the bloodlust and bloodshed, the hormonal madness given whirling dervish form. She obsesses over the Heathers and her part in them, she righteously turns the tables on JD as far as crazy goes, and she all but gleefully goes tripping about committing murder. But in all honesty, the angst that the original Veronica suffered, even while she was happily joining JD in murder, was more realistic and enjoyable.

It’s a very brave move for the Paramount Network to not only remake the ‘Heathers’ movie into a TV series, given all the very real high school violence and suicide that happens these days. The show was originally scheduled to have a certain number of episodes, and an entire episode was scrapped from showing on TV due to the Sante Fe and Parkland school shootings. The show’s premiere was actually pushed back a few times due to school shootings, but eventually went ahead with it, to generally positive reviews. And there are still talks of a second season, which yeah, I would watch.

Check your privilege with the new ‘Heathers’, on the Paramount Network now!

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‘Abigail’: Bite Me Harder Tiny Dancer

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A gang of misfit kidnappers find their tiny target far more bloodthirsty than they bargained for! 

So, unfortunately, the trailers gave it away and let’s be real that’s why most of us are here, the knowledge that the kidnap victim Abigail (Alisha Weir), codenamed by the would-be kidnappers appropriately as ‘tiny dancer’, is in fact, a vampire. Not a spoiler, point of fact, one of the film’s actual great selling points. And the reactions from the misfit club when faced with a real actual f*cking vampire, range hilariously from the blunt “no such thing as vampires” all the way to, “Are we talking True Blood or Twilight rules or what?” all while covered in buckets and buckets of blood. 

Anyway, the gang manages to subdue and abscond with the aforementioned Abigail, in a pre-prepared duffle bag, like you do, and converge to a new location, a house oddly similar to the one she was just taken from. Welcomed and given codenames by a man who introduces himself as Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito), our misfit club is told to simply hold down the fort in this strange old house with the girl chained up in a room and one person to attend her, for twenty-four hours, and they’ll all get paid. 

As inevitable as the tides, the dopey druggie Dean (Angus Cloud) is the first to die, and we’re going to give that death-style points for inspiring terror right off the bat. The very controlling Frank (Dan Stevens, holy crap yes that is the guy from FXs Legion) is also of course the most suspicious – of everyone around him, sure, but also he himself is totes sus. We don’t learn terribly much about the musclebound tank who gets dubbed Peter (Kevin Durand), he’s your pretty typical little-brains-heart-of-gold muscle-for-hire any proper gang needs, right down to the bottle problem. Sammy (Kathryn Newton), well, even for being a purported hacker-type, she has, like, reality issues. Rickles (William Catlett), he’s arguably the most dangerous among them, ex-military and yet somehow here and involved in kidnapping for a few mills. Joey (Melissa Barrera) is our Final Girl, and though she has the inevitable problems in her recent past, she seems more capable of doing the hard thing and still somehow empathizing at the end of the day. Must be her burning desire to get back with her son. 

The fit hits the shan pretty quickly, and Abigail morphs from tiny dancer to tiny monster, though honestly, the way Abigail spoke the entire time in the film, if the ‘nappers had been paying close enough attention, would have been a solid clue. The performance from Alisha Weir as Abigail is incredible, as she literally dances a fine line between comedy, tragedy, and outright monstrosity. With a face full of makeup and the force of a tiny tornado to back it up, Weir brings to mind the great performances of the vampires in 30 Days of Night who saw the practicality in the need to trap their food, but also, play with it a bit first before feasting! Anything else would give away the absolute fun time that is Abigail, so you should go see it, out in theaters now!

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Scrubs Reunion: The Band Gets Back Together

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Fans of the beloved medical comedy series Scrubs were recently treated to a thrilling surprise when John C. McGinley, who portrayed the iconic Dr. Perry Cox, dropped a photo on Twitter hinting at a potential reunion project. The image, showing McGinley alongside his former co-stars, sparked a wave of excitement and speculation among fans who have been longing for more adventures with the beloved Sacred Heart Hospital staff.

While details about the reunion project are still scarce, the mere possibility of seeing the gang back together again has sent waves of nostalgia through fans who fondly remember the show’s original run from 2001 to 2010. Scrubs was not just a sitcom; it was a heartfelt exploration of friendship, love, and the chaotic world of medicine, all wrapped up in a quirky and often hilarious package.

At the heart of the show was the bromance between JD (played by Zach Braff) and Turk (played by Donald Faison), whose antics and deep bond served as the emotional anchor for the series. Their dynamic, along with the sage wisdom (and relentless sarcasm) of Dr. Cox, provided viewers with memorable moments that have stood the test of time.

As we eagerly await more news about the Scrubs reunion project, one thing is for sure: it’s time to dust off those old DVDs, rewatch our favorite episodes, and get ready to welcome back our favorite gang of doctors, nurses, and janitors for what promises to be a memorable reunion.

But Scrubs was more than just its main characters. The supporting cast, including the eccentric Janitor (played by Neil Flynn), the neurotic Elliot (played by Sarah Chalke), and the wise-cracking nurse Carla (played by Judy Reyes), each brought their own unique flavor to the show, creating a rich tapestry of characters that fans grew to love.

While the photo shared by McGinley has fueled speculation about what the reunion project might entail, whether it’s a one-off special, a new season, or something else entirely, one thing is certain: fans are eagerly awaiting any opportunity to dive back into the world of Sacred Heart Hospital.

In an age where reboots and revivals are commonplace, Scrubs stands out as a series that has the potential to recapture the magic that made it a fan favorite in the first place. With its blend of humor, heart, and unforgettable characters, a reunion project has the opportunity to not only satisfy longtime fans but also introduce a new generation to the joys of life at Sacred Heart.

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‘The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes’: Rebellion with a cause

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The story of the rise of Coriolanus Snow, from teenage Capital City pawn to rising Dictator of the Hunger Games! 

Apparently no one out here in post-apocalyptic Panem has heard of irony and so they name their children things like Coriolanus (Tom Blyth), Tigress, and further off in Hunger Games lore, after swamp plants like Katniss. Corio’s father was a legendary general and that is pretty much the only reason young Snow and his meager family of grandmother called Grandma’am (Fionnula Flanagan) and sister Tigress (Hunter Schafer) are tolerated here in the Capital City at all. 

Most of the snotty youngsters at the academy won’t let Snow forget how far his family has fallen, but he’s generally not concerned with them. What is concerning is the strong disapproval of the drugged-up Dean Casca Highbottom (Peter Dinklage) and the creepy attention of Dr. Volumnia Gaul (Viola Davis) as she lurks in the classroom sniffing out talent. The Dean feels very strongly the annual Hunger Games should end, while Gaul is violently adamant that not only do the Games continue, but that they get as much more attention as possible. And young Snow is stuck in the middle, when the yearly prize money normally awarded to the academy student with the best grades gets switched out for, you guessed it, the student that can make this years’ Hunger Games as entertaining as possible. 

Whilst the students are protesting this sudden change, the annual Reaping is about to commence, and big shock and surprise, Corio’s candidate from District 12 Lucy Grey Baird (Rachel Zegler) is chosen as a Tribute. This is where the film begins to really take off on musical wings, for as it turns out, Lucy Grey can sing. Boy, can that gal sing! She can sing, she can play guitar, she can work a crowd, she can calm things down, she can fire ‘em up too! And Corio, being no dummy himself, instantly plots ways to use his Tributes amazing voice to draw attention to her, and admittedly his own, plight! 

Though far too many people sneer at the idea, Corio takes his position as Mentor to his Tribute seriously enough to sneak onto the tram taking the Tributes to their habitat, which turns out to be a completely appropriate moniker, as this year the Tributes are held before the Hunger Games in a large zoo habitat so the weatherman ‘Lucky’ Flickerman (Jason Schwartzman), host of this years games, can MC the hell out of everything up close and personal! 

What happens at this years Hunger Games and the subsequent consequences to both Corio and Lucy Grey is actually only half the story, and the movie. Coriolanus has always had to be opportunistic, but learning to be absolutely ruthless when necessary under the tutelage of Dr. Gaul, who basically thinks it’s always best to be merciless, is an eye-opening education indeed.  Even after they’ve both been consigned to military service and his friend Sejanus Plinth (Josh Andres Rivera) decides to finally rebel, Corio and Sejanus continue to deceive each other and themselves, to accomplish their separate goals. Not even the love Corio swears he feels for Lucy Grey can save him, or them, from the adamant absolute necessity of the Hunger Games continuing. And after all that’s happened, Coriolanus Snow has gotten a terrific education in the best way to be the absolutely ruthless next Hunger Games advocate, and oh yeah, President of Panem. 

The movie does itself no favors by trying to stuff not one but two major storylines and a bunch of side storylines sadly introduced and then ignored, into the film. It would have been entirely possible to turn Ballads of Songbirds and Snakes into two different movies, separated between feathers and scales if you like, and do justice to the major storylines in both. Blyth gives a fine  performance as a young Coriolanus Snow, but the fact that President Snow is played by Donald Sutherland in all three of the Hunger Games films means Blyth has incredibly large shoes to fill. Rachel Zegler as Lucy Grey is absolute fire, and yes the actress did sing the songs in the film herself, including the Hunger Games franchise epic song, ‘The Hanging Tree’. Every time Lucy Grey opens her mouth and sheer soul-searing music comes out, it provides a distinct counterpoint to the soul-crushing ambition of Coriolanus Snow and further demonstrates the District and Caste separation Hunger Games is known for. And if, by the end of the film, Coriolanus Snow has come to agree that the Hunger Games must continue but perhaps under his own auspices, he has no one but himself to blame when another younger but still rebellious female blows it all up in his face! 

Choose rebellion or conformity for yourself in The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

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