Love Actually is…Disturbing

Well, it wouldn’t be another festive period without me trying to ruin one of the best Christmas movies (in my humble opinion). As a Brit, it’s nice to see a 2003 British film doing the rounds every year. Despite the fact that the film portrays the lives of (mostly) middle-class English people. Of which I’m neither! And as many have pointed out, this 22-year-old film hits a little differently in modern day.

Here are the ‘Top 5 Most Disturbing Aspects of Love Actually’

5. The Character of Colin Manages to Insult Women on Both Sides of the Atlantic

Starting off strong with the character of Colin Frissell (Kris Marshall), who could be in his early 20s or possibly 30s… It’s unclear. Anyway, since Colin struggles to ‘pull’ women in his homeland of England, he decides in his infinite wisdom to take a trip to the U.S., where he will surely be a hit with the women. Colin figures that American girls will love his “cute British accent” (spoiler: he doesn’t have a cute British accent).

Landing in Milwaukee, Colin is approached by a beautiful woman, then two, then three, which obviously results in an implied orgy to Santana’s ‘Smooth’ (is there any other way to have an orgy?). It seems Colin’s assertion is that English girls are “stuck up” while American girls are “cooler” and more “game for a laugh”. Despite the fact that historically America is a lot more conservative and religious than the UK. Implying that the US is just full of women wanting to hook up with a random guy in a bar and invite him to partake in an orgy with their roommates. Charming.

4. Power Imbalance

Colin Firth plays the character of ‘Jamie’, who has just left his wife for sleeping with his brother (ouch). Jamie decides to lick his wounds in a holiday home in the South of France. It’s here that Jamie has a housekeeper, a Portuguese young woman by the name of Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz). Like most of the women in this film, Aurelia is put in quite a vulnerable position. Not only does she not speak any English, but she also relies on Jamie to drive her home every day.

And, yes, it is romantic when Jamie learns (some) Portuguese to ask Aurelia to marry him, and yes, he does look like Colin Firth. But Jamie only broke up with his live-in partner a couple of weeks ago, and he barely knows Aurelia; they don’t even speak the same language! She also looks quite a bit younger than him. Special mention to Aurelia’s family for being so…enthusiastic when a strange foreigner appears on their daughter wanting to marry their daughter/sister. But hey, he does look like Colin Firth, I suppose.

3. Office Sexual Harassment

The yearly ire aimed at Alan Rickman’s character ‘Harry’ for emotionally cheating on his wife, Karen (Emma Thompson). Culminating in the famous scene of Karen crying in their bedroom to Joni Mitchell (is there any other way to cry?).

Not to give Harry any excuses (even though he is Alan Rickman), but he does appear to be being sexually harassed in his own office. Harry’s colleague, Mia (Heike Makatsch) is beautiful, sexy, young, and extremely inappropriate to put it lightly! She constantly peppers Harry’s seemingly well-meaning conversation with sexual innuendos and suggestions. Mia even pulls a Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and sits on an office chair with her legs open while wearing a short skirt (unclear whether she is wearing underwear) to gain Harry’s attention.  

Mia’s brazen flaunting of her assets may not be noticed in an office culture where the female employees are told to avoid a ‘Kevin’ at the office Christmas Party if they want their “breasts un-fondled”. Putting the onus on the women to remain unmolested, not punishing the molester. I mean, I know this was 2003, but come on!

2. Power Imbalance…er again

Hugh Grant plays his usual 90s and 00s, bumbling, yet somehow charming, Englishman. Only this time he’s the prime minister! David (Grant) falls for his staffer, Natalie (Martine McCutcheon). Natalie is a working-class gal, who, as well as being much younger than David, is intimidated by his position (obviously).

David ends up having Natalie fired when she is sexually harassed by the American president (Billy Bob Thornton). The petulant PM also strains international relations in response to the president being sexually inappropriate with Natalie when he was trying to be sexually inappropriate with her first!

Not for nothing, but poor Natalie also may be the victim of workplace bullying. Another staffer refers to her as “the chubby girl” and comments on her, apparently, “enormous thighs,” the same as Natalie’s abusive ex did.

1. Stalker Vibes

We’ve arrived! The characters have been discussed and parodied in equal measures. It’s pretty much universally agreed that Mark (Andrew Lincoln) acts like a stalker towards Keira Knightley’s Juliet. On closer analysis, Mark’s behaviour is even more disturbing. Mark is shown to be dismissive and even rude towards Juliet. This may be a “self-preservation thing” as he claims, or could be a form of sabotage, if he can’t have Juliet, his alleged best friend, and Juliet’s husband, Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) can’t either! Mark will drive her away.

In their first scene, Mark and Peter are discussing Peter’s ill-fated Stag Night, where Mark arranged a ‘surprise’ of Brazilian sex workers…that turned out to be men. But why is Mark ordering Peter sex workers? Regardless of gender. Trying to sabotage the couple’s nuptials?

To top it all off, Mark makes his discovered amorous feelings Juliet’s problem, which is completely selfish and entirely unnecessary. The red flags should be ‘bigger as the cue cards he uses to justify his betrayal’ (reminder: Peter thinks Mark is his best friend).

The whole situation is made even worse when you know that Keira Knightley was only 17 when they filmed Love Actually.

So there you have it, folks: a holiday classic! After careful analysis, Love Actually does seem to be mostly about older men chasing after younger women…how festive. Still one of my favourites though! Happy Holidays!