‘Victor Crowley’: That’s a Hatchet Job, Al Right

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Based around the previous films of the Hatchet franchise, ‘Victor Crowley’ sees one of his last surviving victims and several others for varied reasons, make a return to Honey Island, where the legend of Victor Crowley and his devastating hatchet all began! WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

I haven’t seen the first two ‘Hatchet’ movies, but they have acquired a cult following inside the Horror world. I assume the first two are as Spaghetti-Slasher and Splatter-Gore filled as this little slice of raw meat, so let’s board a plane and dive right into this!

Being the sole survivor of a massacre of legendary proportions can be big business these days, and the thought is exemplified in Andrew Yong (Parry Shen), the last survivor of the Crowley killings on Honey Island. His manager Kathleen (Felissa Rose) got him a shot on The Sabrina Show with his ex-wife Sabrina (Krystal Joy Brown), to talk about his new book signing tour.

The signing after the show inevitably goes poorly, and filmmakers Chloe (Katie Booth), Rose (Laura Ortiz) and Alex (Chase Williamson), who want to make a B-movie about the Crowley murders, are disappointed that they don’t get to discuss it with Andrew. But Andrew’s spirits are lifted when Kathleen informs him of a half-million-dollar offer, all he needs to do is go back to Honey Island Swamp for a retrospective.

Inevitably the plane carrying the semi-celebrity types crashes onto Honey Island Swamp, and the would-be filmmakers who are already there just have to get involved, with Rose’s phone providing a very Zombie-fed Tony Todd cameo, to bring Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder) back from the dead with the original voodoo curse they used! Local aspiring actor Dillon (Dave Sheridan) seems determined to help both the filmies and the celebrities, but Crowley is out there and he has no mercy or pity, or even any communication really, other than squishy grunts as his hatchet whistles its way through bone, flesh and blood!

Not much needs to be said about the kill scenes, or what plot there is of the movie. So much screen time is wasted on character slapstick-iness, and mocking as many movie and Horror movie tropes as possible. Though the Crowley kills are utterly ridiculous and laugh-out-loud-worthy, I get the distinct impression that was the whole point, and not a one of them has any weird CGI – the Crowley folks believe in the power of a good practical effects exploding head with streaming blood like a watermelon, and that is always a good thing.

There is enough backstory to be able to watch Victor Crowley without having seen the other films of the franchise, but really, if you haven’t seen the other Hatchet films, what are you doing staring at Victor Crowley anyways? For a fun little waste of an hour and a half or so, with all the blood-spray and head-squishing your little Horror-loving hearts could desire, see ‘Victor Crowley’ now!

 

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