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‘Hellraiser’ (2022): Choose your Configuration

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Reviewed by Alicia Glass

Spoilers live in the puzzle box!

A freshly flayed new take on Clive Barker’s original 1987 Horror classic, Hellraiser 2022 features recovering junkie Riley and her boyfriend Trevor attempting to unravel the mysteries of the Box and a new gang of Cenobites!

So disclaimers – Moxie is a huge giant Clive Barker fan, reads his books, fan-girls over his live panels at cons and of course watches his movies, including dutifully sitting through nine film sequels since the first Hellraiser movie so long ago. Moxie’s take on the last HR film, Judgement, is long and opinionated and can be viewed here. But now we dive deep into a brand new take on pains and chains, complete with a new leader of the Cenobites, the creature affectionately known as Pinhead!

Roland Voight (Goran Visnjic) is one of those rich deluded men with far more money and desires, than sense. And in the grand tradition of Captain Elliot Spencer, the Host of Hellworld, Philip LeMarchand and many others, the Puzzle Box of yore and lore offers a way to other delights, if only you can solve the puzzle and open it. Voight seems to have understood the concept of paying an expendable to do his dirty work and open the damned Box, but despite all his research into the Cenobites, the Puzzle Box and even Hell itself, he still hasn’t learned that one does not demand an audience with Leviathan without being prepared for some seriously bloody consequences.

And it’s after those horrific consequences that our story truly begins, with the introduction of the downtrodden recovering addict Riley (Odessa A’zion) and her flake of a boyfriend Trevor (Drew Starkey), mindlessly romping in her room while her brother Matt (Brandon Flynn), his boyfriend Colin (Adam Faison) and their pal Nora (Aiofe Hinds) unwillingly listen in. A common recurring theme in Hellraiser is the desperation of the dregs of society, the junkies and the homeless and such like, and Riley and Trevor are no different, despite Riley’s insistence that she’s sober when clearly, she’s at the very least suffering withdrawal. And it’s in those moments of weakness and despair, when her brother and the roommates have seemingly persecuted her to the last straw, that Riley agrees to a plan Trevor proposes that seems sketchy at best, to break into an supposedly abandoned vault and steal the contents for fencing.

Inevitably, the not-so-abandoned vault doesn’t house jewels or cash, but rather, a single safe bearing a single fairly easy to open box, and in that box lies the real treasure, for those with the heart and mind to know it – the infamous Puzzle Box of Hellraiser, aka the Lament Configuration and Lemarchand’s masterpiece puzzle cube, the portal that opens the way for the Cenobites and other denizens of Hell.

The updated design for the Puzzle Box has much more of a moving-puzzle feel to it, and indeed, the fact that the Box needs multiple blood sacrifices and to go through several configurations, each with its own powers and complications, before the damned thing will finally open its portals, is a very Hellraiser thing to do. People are complicated, everyone deserves to go to Hell in their own particular way, and this new Puzzle Box seems to have an actual life or some kind of consciousness of its own that responds to the individual caressing its parts, tracing its roots all the way back to Clive Barker’s original writings in The Hellbound Heart and other HR-related materials. Check out a writeup of all the new Configurations here.

After a particularly nasty confrontation with Voight’s lawyer Serena Menaker (Hiam Abbass), where she learns that Cenobites always collect their due, a revelatory visit to Voight’s mansion where Riley learns much more on the box, the Cenobites and even Hell itself, and discovers that her poor brother Matt has been flayed, the grisly dreadful chase and reveal of the other Cenobites and the Priest herself begins in earnest.

The new designs of the various Cenobites – the Mother (Gorica Regodic), the Weeper (Yinka Olorunnife), the Asphyx (Zachary Hing), the Gasp (Selina Lo), the Masque (Vukasin Jovanovic), and the Chatterer (Jason Liles), plus the head Priest – each have updated designs that you just know come with Hellish backstories that I personally want to know right now. Rather than clad head to toe in leather-spiked fetish gear as in Barker’s original vision, the color palette for each Cenobite screams originality and careful, even obsessive, attention to detail. Lead costume concept designer Keith Thompson in particular did a uniquely, beautifully grotesque, job that sets these Cenobites apart from their counterparts in all the previous Hellraiser movies.

And the hook-headed elephant in the room must be addressed – the new head Hell Priest, aka Pinhead, complete with an updated look and a brand new actor playing the role, Jamie Clayton. There was already a series of new Pinhead actors – Paul T. Taylor, who did an arguably serviceable job as Pinhead in Judgment, and the beleaguered Stephan Smith Collins from Revelations, poor thing – but this is the first time a woman (other than the comics) has been the pin-headed leader of the Order of the Gash. Her updated and feminine look, from the skin-like draped dress in place of vestments to the delicately sinister pearl-headed actual pins (as opposed to the nails Pinhead usually wears) in her face, that incredible voice that ominously arrives from the keyhole lodged in her throat and just a sheer sense of absolute presence that Jamie Clayton gives the Hell Priest, this new leader of the Cenobites was fully endorsed by Doug Bradley himself, and she absolutely kills that role. It also bears noting that the Gasp, Pinhead’s second in command, sports the same pearl-headed pins her leader does in her own face, reminiscent of Bradley’s Pinhead and Barbie Wilde’s female Cenobite in Hellbound: Hellraiser II.

Part eternal murder mystery, part haunted-house chase film, part S&M fetish factory and a part roundabout redemption story for a whole new generation of Hellraiser fans, the updated movie that lovingly serves up fleshy ideals straight from Barker’s epic works, can be found on Hulu now!

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‘Abigail’: Bite Me Harder Tiny Dancer

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A gang of misfit kidnappers find their tiny target far more bloodthirsty than they bargained for! 

So, unfortunately, the trailers gave it away and let’s be real that’s why most of us are here, the knowledge that the kidnap victim Abigail (Alisha Weir), codenamed by the would-be kidnappers appropriately as ‘tiny dancer’, is in fact, a vampire. Not a spoiler, point of fact, one of the film’s actual great selling points. And the reactions from the misfit club when faced with a real actual f*cking vampire, range hilariously from the blunt “no such thing as vampires” all the way to, “Are we talking True Blood or Twilight rules or what?” all while covered in buckets and buckets of blood. 

Anyway, the gang manages to subdue and abscond with the aforementioned Abigail, in a pre-prepared duffle bag, like you do, and converge to a new location, a house oddly similar to the one she was just taken from. Welcomed and given codenames by a man who introduces himself as Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito), our misfit club is told to simply hold down the fort in this strange old house with the girl chained up in a room and one person to attend her, for twenty-four hours, and they’ll all get paid. 

As inevitable as the tides, the dopey druggie Dean (Angus Cloud) is the first to die, and we’re going to give that death-style points for inspiring terror right off the bat. The very controlling Frank (Dan Stevens, holy crap yes that is the guy from FXs Legion) is also of course the most suspicious – of everyone around him, sure, but also he himself is totes sus. We don’t learn terribly much about the musclebound tank who gets dubbed Peter (Kevin Durand), he’s your pretty typical little-brains-heart-of-gold muscle-for-hire any proper gang needs, right down to the bottle problem. Sammy (Kathryn Newton), well, even for being a purported hacker-type, she has, like, reality issues. Rickles (William Catlett), he’s arguably the most dangerous among them, ex-military and yet somehow here and involved in kidnapping for a few mills. Joey (Melissa Barrera) is our Final Girl, and though she has the inevitable problems in her recent past, she seems more capable of doing the hard thing and still somehow empathizing at the end of the day. Must be her burning desire to get back with her son. 

The fit hits the shan pretty quickly, and Abigail morphs from tiny dancer to tiny monster, though honestly, the way Abigail spoke the entire time in the film, if the ‘nappers had been paying close enough attention, would have been a solid clue. The performance from Alisha Weir as Abigail is incredible, as she literally dances a fine line between comedy, tragedy, and outright monstrosity. With a face full of makeup and the force of a tiny tornado to back it up, Weir brings to mind the great performances of the vampires in 30 Days of Night who saw the practicality in the need to trap their food, but also, play with it a bit first before feasting! Anything else would give away the absolute fun time that is Abigail, so you should go see it, out in theaters now!

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Scrubs Reunion: The Band Gets Back Together

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Fans of the beloved medical comedy series Scrubs were recently treated to a thrilling surprise when John C. McGinley, who portrayed the iconic Dr. Perry Cox, dropped a photo on Twitter hinting at a potential reunion project. The image, showing McGinley alongside his former co-stars, sparked a wave of excitement and speculation among fans who have been longing for more adventures with the beloved Sacred Heart Hospital staff.

While details about the reunion project are still scarce, the mere possibility of seeing the gang back together again has sent waves of nostalgia through fans who fondly remember the show’s original run from 2001 to 2010. Scrubs was not just a sitcom; it was a heartfelt exploration of friendship, love, and the chaotic world of medicine, all wrapped up in a quirky and often hilarious package.

At the heart of the show was the bromance between JD (played by Zach Braff) and Turk (played by Donald Faison), whose antics and deep bond served as the emotional anchor for the series. Their dynamic, along with the sage wisdom (and relentless sarcasm) of Dr. Cox, provided viewers with memorable moments that have stood the test of time.

As we eagerly await more news about the Scrubs reunion project, one thing is for sure: it’s time to dust off those old DVDs, rewatch our favorite episodes, and get ready to welcome back our favorite gang of doctors, nurses, and janitors for what promises to be a memorable reunion.

But Scrubs was more than just its main characters. The supporting cast, including the eccentric Janitor (played by Neil Flynn), the neurotic Elliot (played by Sarah Chalke), and the wise-cracking nurse Carla (played by Judy Reyes), each brought their own unique flavor to the show, creating a rich tapestry of characters that fans grew to love.

While the photo shared by McGinley has fueled speculation about what the reunion project might entail, whether it’s a one-off special, a new season, or something else entirely, one thing is certain: fans are eagerly awaiting any opportunity to dive back into the world of Sacred Heart Hospital.

In an age where reboots and revivals are commonplace, Scrubs stands out as a series that has the potential to recapture the magic that made it a fan favorite in the first place. With its blend of humor, heart, and unforgettable characters, a reunion project has the opportunity to not only satisfy longtime fans but also introduce a new generation to the joys of life at Sacred Heart.

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‘The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes’: Rebellion with a cause

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The story of the rise of Coriolanus Snow, from teenage Capital City pawn to rising Dictator of the Hunger Games! 

Apparently no one out here in post-apocalyptic Panem has heard of irony and so they name their children things like Coriolanus (Tom Blyth), Tigress, and further off in Hunger Games lore, after swamp plants like Katniss. Corio’s father was a legendary general and that is pretty much the only reason young Snow and his meager family of grandmother called Grandma’am (Fionnula Flanagan) and sister Tigress (Hunter Schafer) are tolerated here in the Capital City at all. 

Most of the snotty youngsters at the academy won’t let Snow forget how far his family has fallen, but he’s generally not concerned with them. What is concerning is the strong disapproval of the drugged-up Dean Casca Highbottom (Peter Dinklage) and the creepy attention of Dr. Volumnia Gaul (Viola Davis) as she lurks in the classroom sniffing out talent. The Dean feels very strongly the annual Hunger Games should end, while Gaul is violently adamant that not only do the Games continue, but that they get as much more attention as possible. And young Snow is stuck in the middle, when the yearly prize money normally awarded to the academy student with the best grades gets switched out for, you guessed it, the student that can make this years’ Hunger Games as entertaining as possible. 

Whilst the students are protesting this sudden change, the annual Reaping is about to commence, and big shock and surprise, Corio’s candidate from District 12 Lucy Grey Baird (Rachel Zegler) is chosen as a Tribute. This is where the film begins to really take off on musical wings, for as it turns out, Lucy Grey can sing. Boy, can that gal sing! She can sing, she can play guitar, she can work a crowd, she can calm things down, she can fire ‘em up too! And Corio, being no dummy himself, instantly plots ways to use his Tributes amazing voice to draw attention to her, and admittedly his own, plight! 

Though far too many people sneer at the idea, Corio takes his position as Mentor to his Tribute seriously enough to sneak onto the tram taking the Tributes to their habitat, which turns out to be a completely appropriate moniker, as this year the Tributes are held before the Hunger Games in a large zoo habitat so the weatherman ‘Lucky’ Flickerman (Jason Schwartzman), host of this years games, can MC the hell out of everything up close and personal! 

What happens at this years Hunger Games and the subsequent consequences to both Corio and Lucy Grey is actually only half the story, and the movie. Coriolanus has always had to be opportunistic, but learning to be absolutely ruthless when necessary under the tutelage of Dr. Gaul, who basically thinks it’s always best to be merciless, is an eye-opening education indeed.  Even after they’ve both been consigned to military service and his friend Sejanus Plinth (Josh Andres Rivera) decides to finally rebel, Corio and Sejanus continue to deceive each other and themselves, to accomplish their separate goals. Not even the love Corio swears he feels for Lucy Grey can save him, or them, from the adamant absolute necessity of the Hunger Games continuing. And after all that’s happened, Coriolanus Snow has gotten a terrific education in the best way to be the absolutely ruthless next Hunger Games advocate, and oh yeah, President of Panem. 

The movie does itself no favors by trying to stuff not one but two major storylines and a bunch of side storylines sadly introduced and then ignored, into the film. It would have been entirely possible to turn Ballads of Songbirds and Snakes into two different movies, separated between feathers and scales if you like, and do justice to the major storylines in both. Blyth gives a fine  performance as a young Coriolanus Snow, but the fact that President Snow is played by Donald Sutherland in all three of the Hunger Games films means Blyth has incredibly large shoes to fill. Rachel Zegler as Lucy Grey is absolute fire, and yes the actress did sing the songs in the film herself, including the Hunger Games franchise epic song, ‘The Hanging Tree’. Every time Lucy Grey opens her mouth and sheer soul-searing music comes out, it provides a distinct counterpoint to the soul-crushing ambition of Coriolanus Snow and further demonstrates the District and Caste separation Hunger Games is known for. And if, by the end of the film, Coriolanus Snow has come to agree that the Hunger Games must continue but perhaps under his own auspices, he has no one but himself to blame when another younger but still rebellious female blows it all up in his face! 

Choose rebellion or conformity for yourself in The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

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